I never promised you a rose garden. I never promised perfection or a person safe or comfortable in her skin. But I'm trying.
Well, I had to go back to my school last night to attend my sister’s band concert.
For those of you who don’t know, I am currently part of a homebound program set up by my school. I started on it when I got my outpatient feeding tube inserted, and now I’m just out because of my mental (okay, partly physical) health, which still hinders my life-success rate. But I will be heading back to my school physically for senior year.
Anyway, sometimes I just wonder what it must be like for my sister. For her to know that she has a nut-case of a twin sister at home while she attends high school like everything’s cool, everything’s normal. And she can’t (or won’t) tell anyone. She won’t tell anyone that she’s had to stand by as her sister is shipped off to [insert name of hospital here] or [insert name of treatment center here]. There are only two people at my school that are aware of a FRACTION of my situation, and they’re mutual friends, so I’m not too worried.
How much time do we spend actually endeavoring to put ourselves in our family’s place? Yes, it’s hell for us’ we’re living it, but what about our family? I can’t imagine how difficult it is for them. I think my life is so bad but imagine how hard it must be for them to know what’s going on, and my sister - for the most part - just keeps it all inside. Seldom does she come to me and tell me how she’s feeling.
Seldom does she blow up at me because of all the shit I pull around the house. I have to instigate the deep conversations between us because SHE feels like she needs to be the strong one.
I know a lot of you probably don’t make it this far in my posts, but if you’ve stuck around, thank you.