"I never promised you a rose garden. I never promised you perfect justice . . .The only reality I offer is challenge, and being well is being free to accept it or not at whatever level you are capable. I never promise lies, and the rose-garden world of perfection is a lie"
I have to say, I never really had a revelatory moment that launched me into recovery - similar to what Hormbacher explains regarding her recovery from an eating disorder.
Rather, I gained weight and I started to see clearer. I don’t know how many times I sat in a chair in my old therapist’s office with a little smile, telling her, “I don’t have to be a good anoretic. I can be a good student or singer or writer, and isn’t that more worthwhile?”
Sure, I don’t really believe it now as I once did, but I know the ability to fantasize and furthermore make that a reality is still inside of me, however hidden.
I’m still able to be happy. I can allow myself to be happy, someday.
- Marya Horbacher, Wasted
Following a theme today.
1. Wasted by Marya Hornabacher — I read her other book, Madness, over the summer, and I’ve heard this book can be incredibly triggering but I do think she’s a pretty fantastic author.
2. Why be happy when you could by normal? by Jeanette Winterson
3. Fat Girl by Judith Moore
Blog post by the lovely Jessica Hudgens (awildernesslovestory)
My cover of “Sophie” by Eleanor McEvoy. Just playing my uke, and didn’t feel like showing my face tonight. The lyrics pertain to a girl with an eating disorder - pretty sad song but a sort of sweet song to play.
I just finished a recent Lifetime movie about eating disorders called “Starving in Suburbia” and despite it’s pretty stupid title, it was actually a really good movie. Triggering, but emotionally accurate, I think. Better than some I’ve seen. Just finished crying, though I might have some tears left. Reminded me of people who have died…and that’s always hard.
Even though a lot of it revolved around a physical portrayal of “Ana” and the dangers of pro-ana (neither of which I’ve personally dealt with) there were still a lot of feelings that I empathized with. Worth checking out - the movie, I mean.
I know I weighed approximately five pounds less than I do now this time last year and that depresses me. I also remember that last year around this time, I couldn’t fathom having a meal with more calories than that of a Luna bar or get myself to eat more than a single serving of Greek yogurt for breakfast.
But somehow, without the help of anyone, I managed to gradually increase my breakfast again and the rest of my daily intake - and I think that was when I realized I’d grown and changed for the better as a person and a fighter.
SurvivingED blog post made by my lovely but fierce friend, Jessica, about talking back to your eating disorder: saying NO.
"1 in 5 of people diagnosed with AN will die prematurely due to complications of the disease (including suicide)."
This statistic makes me want to sob and bang my head against the wall and repeat a million times over. It hurts so much. I don’t want my friends to die. Please keep fighting.
Pretty sure I’m going to be marked against on one of the question’s on yesterday’s Women’s Studies quiz but I really don’t think Becky Thompson, author of “a hunger so deep and so wide”, meant to say that food was the BEST coping mechanism for dealing with trauma. That misinterpretation doesn’t fly with me, not at all.