Love comforts tragedy

"I never promised you a rose garden. I never promised you perfect justice . . .The only reality I offer is challenge, and being well is being free to accept it or not at whatever level you are capable. I never promise lies, and the rose-garden world of perfection is a lie"

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February 7, 2013 / 3 notes

So, it’s hard not to look at my forearms sometimes and mourn the loss of my red and raw arms.  They’re clean now, even though you can still see the scars in some lights. Well, discoloration anyway.

And I get flashbacks of my first month or so at CFC. I lied to the staff, saying that the new wounds on my arms were there when I was admitted, which was partly true. Some of them were. But I did a lot of damage my first few weeks there. I was never put on Caution when I was there - where I would be isolated from all the other girls and watched for self-harm. (Well that was one of the reasons you could get on Caution, anyway.)

Sometimes I wonder if the staff was just in denial that I was still scratching my arms under the radar. Anyway, I remember catching a glimpse of my arms in the mirror one day there. And I actually felt like crying. From the looks of my arms, it looked like I had been in battle, they were the worst I’d ever seen them. And I was in battle, with myself - as cliche as that sounds.

I wondered, What the hell have I done? How did it come to this? But I couldn’t stop. Truth is (and I haven’t admitted this to anyone): I self-harmed my whole four-month stay at CFC. Not just the first two months, like I’ve confessed to everyone else thus far.

It’s an difficult addiction, like any other. (Now my stomach’s queasy because I know I’m about to post this….)

#self-harm #confession #addiction
September 6, 2012 / 3 notes

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#worries #treatment #confession
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During the worst of my eating disorder, I was in love with Phantom of the Opera and became victim to the inevitable.  I compared myself to the lovely actress, Emmy Rossum who played the main role, Christine.  It was my goal to look as wonderfully beautiful and thin as her. 
It has been a few months now that I’ve realized that I had glamorized her during my eating disorder and that I unfairly wrote her off as another possible anorexic.  She was very young when she filmed Phantom (a.k.a still probably growing and maturing physically) and nowadays has a curvy, yet still thin, body.  And she is still beautiful, even with her hips (not large at all).  She also, according to Wikipedia (because I’m a girl with too much time on her hands) supports eating disorder awareness. 
Just a confession I thought I’d share because it was kind of swimming in my mind.
#phantom of the opera #emmy rossum #eating disorder #recovery #thin #healthy #confession
February 25, 2012 / 0 notes

I have no life because I post on Tumblr at what seems like all hours….

You are correct. (Congratulations?)

That should clear things up a bit.

#confession #no life
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I guess I’m not alone on this…
#self harm #cutting #scratching #confession
February 21, 2012 / 5 notes


Ever since I saw My Chemical Romance for the first time in concert, I haven’t read a single fanfic. I’m kind of proud of myself, as pathetic as that sounds. They’re real guys, and even if it is just a guilty pleasure, I want to treat them with as much respect as I can.

#my chemical romance #confession #fanfic #respect #gerard way #mikey way #ray toro #frank iero #bob bryar
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