You know what kind of blog this one? Who the hell knows, I don’t even know
I have a…mental illness. A few. And while it doesn’t define me yes it does, it is all but literally consuming my life right now.I have no life. I know that sounds cliche and lame, but here’s the evidence:
I don’t go to school
I only have a few friends in the area and honestly, the ED thing is awkward
I have social anxiety as it is
I have chosen to let my life be taken over by the happenings of the past three or so (FUCKING CRAZY) years.
So, it seems that I am running a recovery blog. But alas, I am not. I reblog anything really. I follow a lot of health and recovery blogs, so I reblog a lot of health related stuff.
But I reblog other stuff, too; if I can think about music or books I love that day, you can bet they’ll be on my dash.
The point is: I just don’t want you to be disappointed. This is a personal blog..best way to put it. Kayla (odolnost) inspired me because even though my ED is a big part of my life right now, I don’t want to dedicate everything to it. It’s like, "Mckenna’s here, somewhere! She’s right over here! Right behind ED, you see?"
Trying to tell ED to shut the hell up. NO, I don’t have to purge because my stomach feels uncomfortably bloated.
Some people went out of their way tonight to make me feel extra special and be extra nice to me. I’m not going to ruin the night by purging. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not a chance. *Keep telling yourself that, Mckenna*
I spent all afternoon a couple days ago scrolling through your blog. I remember following you awhile ago, and I think the follow was because of a Next to Normal/Rent tag, but I have come to the realization of how much I appreciate everything you post, even the heartbreak. You have become one of my favourite people that I follow, and I want you to know how much I look forward to seeing your icon on my dashboard. I know it's really not much, but I hope this little message puts a smile on your face
…You have no idea. I saw this in my inbox, and I thought to myself, “Hmm. I haven’t seen this name before” and after reading this…Wow, I really just don’t know what to say. This is just such a sweet message. I can be such a RENThead and such, but I obviously do have my issues, and I just feel so…grateful that you can accept me as I am, problems and all.
"Take me for what I am; who I was meant to be!"
Sorry, had to fit that in there. I can’t imagine someone taking the time to scroll through my blog, but damn, I almost started crying reading this message. Sorry if I’m getting a bit redundant.
And you can message me ANY TIME if you want. If you want to talk about musicals or other stuff, just let me know :)
Again, thank you so much. This really made my day. <3
EDIT: I hope this puts a smile on YOUR face: I was just sitting here, all but growling at my night snack, and then I read THIS. You are just so nice for sending this. I’ve said that so many times, haven’t I? Well, it’s true. I am lucky to have such a nice person message me. *Gah, I’ll just stop now*
My friend Lily is recovering/recovered from an eating disorder. She was entered into treatment at the age of 11 and she is a very kind person. If you want to ask her any more questions, I’m sure she’d love to answer. She wants to motivate others as much as she can because she’s AWESOME.
Lillipop, I’m sorry I keep sending you fan mail, but you are so beautiful and I’m just so proud of you. We were inpatient together - you were eleven, I was fourteen. You were so kind right from the start.
You and Amanda gave me hugs and saved me so many times. I was heartbroken when I read your life story, knowing how much ED had killed you..and he nearly succeeded. I didn’t know girls as young as you struggled with such demons. It opened my eyes, and I am so proud of you today as you can tell me you’re recovered. You don’t know how happy that makes me.
(I won’t put your URL just in case, if you want to keep it private. But I’d be happy to promo you to my small crowd of followers any time)
Hey my internet cannot handle skype, it cannot even handle facebook. My dad is calling the company tomorrow because this is ridiculous. I love you hun and will get in touch asap, let me know when you get your phone back. I am sorry, maybe we can do this thursday or friday. <3 <3-Olivia
Alright, Livvy. I’m sorry I couldn’t listen to you tonight. I hope you don’t mind me publishing this, but I want you to see this if you can so you know I got it. I’ll message you when I get my phone back. Time to be a good girl! I’ll be looking forward to our next skype date, and hopefully it will work this time. Skype’s been on our case these past few weeks and it’s really bumming me out.
Me (in my head):Oh my God oh my God someone actually likes me! Oh my God I hope they're not messing with me this is the coolest thing EVER We will roll down hills and ride unicorns and bake cakeballs we will ship our unicorns together and then we will fangirl into oblivion! Oh my God oh my God this is not a drill, I repeat, this is NOT a drill! AHHHHH ASDFGHJKL
Me (on keyboard):Thank you darling, I love you too :)
I still regret missing her concert because I had landed myself in the hospital when the show came around. She is a big inspiration to me; she was in Wicked, she was in Rent, she has amazing songs that she’s done solo, and she just seems like such a sweet and strong woman. I’m sure she’s beautiful inside and out.
“I knew all the time I was taking a chance
When I’d stand there at the edge of the cliff
And no one was holding my hand
Well the wind blew strong
And the clouds rolled in
And I felt us lift off the ground
Yes I bared my soul and I dared to go
Knowing one day you might let me down”—Idina Menzel, “Better to Have Loved” (via madameharlequin)